I think we’re kind of starting to get away from this but have y’all noticed how in the vast majority of popular media, sex scenes don’t actually tend to involve a lot of talking/ fumbling/ awkwardness unless it’s for humor or to indicate that the people having sex are
probably Wrong for each other somehow, or...
inexperienced, possibly having sex for the first time?
But “good” sex, between people who are experienced and In Love etc, is almost always effortlessly athletic and steamy and they somehow telepathically know exactly what to do. I’m not talking about knowing what their lover enjoys, that’s entirely feasible, but they never even have to coordinate what they’re doing.
There’s no “do you want me on top?” or “do you want to do?” or accidentally getting in each other’s way.
The overwhelming message that I’ve always gotten from pop culture is that Good Sex happens without communication and, more dangerously, that needing to communicate is a sign that you’re somehow bad at sex, when in reality that’s almost definitely a sign that you’re, you know, a considerate partner who actually gives a shit about people being comfortable when they have sex with you.
Not only that but like, overwhelmingly sex in media is portrayed as this steamy, well-oiled, SERIOUS machine. Like… where’s the fun?
Pop culture seems to be so obsessed with this communication-less pantomime of actual intimacy rather than the reality of intimacy going hand in hand with not only consideration but humor and mutual vulnerability.
Sex is by nature so awkward and odd and it NEVER works the way you see in films or on tv. It’s never seamless and perfect and that is not a BAD THING.
You’re not “doing it wrong” if you’re having problems getting a good rhythm and keep messin’ each other up by trying to help.
You’re not doing it wrong if you’re laughing and talking and not taking it seriously.
And additionally, and now this is a complete tangent from the original point here, but you’re not doing it wrong if you don’t manage to get off or get your partner off.
Sometimes sex is just the action and not the climax and that’s COMPLETELY FINE. My partner and I struggled a LOT with this when we first started having sex because we both had terrible guilt when we couldn’t reach climax or couldn’t get the other off because we felt like that was what the whole point of sex was.
Media puts a lot of PRESSURE on sex and what it looks like that shouldn’t be there and it’s AWFUL.
The focus is just so … wrong.
P. S. legitimate things to say during sex:
ring ding ding ding dingeringeding
wa pa pa pa pa pa pow
hatee hatee hatee ho
joff tchoff tchoffo tchoffo tchoff
jacha chacha chacha chow
kraka kaka kaka kaka kow
a hee ahee ha hee
a oo oo oo ooo